Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Why is it, some people seem to think they know your child better than you do? They go out of their way to come and introduce themselves, then proceed to tell you, in a round about way, that you should have raised them right! Let me share a conversation that happened recently- names have been changed...
Before I begin, the child in this article is a teenager, who is nineteen years old. He got himself into trouble with the law during the summer. His mother bonded him out of jail and within a five week span, he was re-arrested because he did something else that was just as stupid as what landed him in jail to begin with.
Stranger: "I'm Mrs. Jones- I'm a substitute teacher and I teach writing. You must be Jacob's mom- he looks so much like you."
Mother: "Yes, I guess you can tell he's my son- can I help you?"
Stranger: "I just wanted to stop and let you know, I went to see him at the jail. I don't know for sure what kind of trouble he's in, he wouldn't tell me, but it seems to me, if he had been taught in a different way, he might not be in the trouble he's in- he doesn't seem to know the difference between right and wrong."
Mother: "Excuse me?"
Stranger: "Oh- I didn't mean to imply that you haven't tried to teach him-- he's what eighteen or nineteen now? He seems to have the mind of a twelve year old because he just seems so immature. I've known Jacob for awhile and have watched him grow. However, he should be all grown up in his thinking and not getting into trouble with the law."
Mother: "How is it, you know my son?"
Stranger: "Oh, he use to be friends with my son, Tommy. I also helped him with his school work some last year at the high school."
Mother: "Well, if you know my son like you say you do, do you know that he is ADHD and Bipolar?"
Stranger: "No, I wasn't aware of that."
Mother: "Well, let me tell you something about my son. He has been on medication since he was six years old- clear up until the time he turned eighteen. When he hit that age, he no longer felt that he needed to take his meds. I couldn't argue anymore with him because he knew, he was now old enough to where he could do what he wanted and that since he was legally an adult, he didn't have to listen to his parents any longer. When he's off of his medication, he does stupid things and gets into trouble. When he takes them, he's fine- more mature and in control of his actions. We have had many, upon many arguments about the importance of him needing to take his medication"
Stranger: "Well, you should have had him seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist."
Mother: "My son has seen more psychiatrists and psychologists than you can ever imagine! He never listened to any of them the whole time he's been growing up. You have no idea of how much money has been invested into his medical needs- you have no idea of how much patience and love has gone into this kid. We have tried our best to raise him right and to teach him what to do and what not to do. Please don't come to my house presuming you know my son better than I do and telling me, what he needs or that he should have been taught in a different way! Good day Mrs. Jones!"
When people blame the parents for a child's behaviors or mistakes they are sitting in judgement, plain and simple. What they don't realize, there ARE parents who can and do try to no end to raise their "Special Needs" children right- just as others who don't have children with a handicap, but are blessed with "normal" kids. Sometimes however, these, "normal" kids get into just as much trouble as a "Special Needs" kid does too!
In Jacob's case, his parents did all they could do and still tried to find any other paths and solutions to help him thrive and to become a responsible adult. As he got older, all other options were and have been exhausted. The only thing his parents can do at this point in time is pray he is learning a valuable lesson about how important it is for him to take his medication so he can know the difference between right and wrong...
Medication can be the best thing to happen to certain children, while on the other hand, some children are misdiagnosed and given medication for all of the wrong reasons. With Jacob, he is like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde with and without it. It's more to his benefit to take what does help him.
Final thought- to those people who don't have time to do anything else but, sit in judgement on other people lives, judge not, lest ye be surprised! If they only knew what it was like to walk in certain peoples shoes, I bet, they wouldn't be so condescending, but understood a little better!
Friday, October 21, 2011
*Personal Note and Warning* What you're about to read may infuriate you as all of the information I have received concerning this has made my blood boil! Sometimes it's a little hard to write about things such as this without placing my own feelings in it and completely going off on a tangent- However, I've kept a lot of other content out but have written just a few basic concepts of this ugly truth...
October is recognized as National Domestic Violence Awareness month, however, this concept and fact seems to elude some people whom think they're better than others and that the ugly picture of domestic violence doesn't apply to them. Sadly, I'm talking about some foster parents that work for various Family Social Service Agencies and I'm positive, there are some, and the same, kind of people who work for the governments Social Services.
What's bad is when a child has to be removed from their biological family for whatever reason, (or no reason at all,) but what is worse- is when they're placed in an abusive, non-caring, non-complying foster home! The social workers aren't aware of some of these foster parents activities as they get good at lying and manipulating the system along with basically terrorizing the children who are already traumatized.
One child, age fourteen, let's call her, "Alice," was taken away from her mother who had a problem with drugs and alcohol, only to be placed in a foster home where the foster mother took all of the money that was allotted from the government for the child, used it on herself by going out to bars to party- buying her own beer and wine to stock her house full of it. This foster mother drank from sun up to sun down! She also has a problem with an addiction to pain medication.
The days the social worker was to show up for home inspection, she'd remain sober, and acted all loving and caring toward Alice. The rest of the time however, she called her terrible names, and treated her like garbage.
One day, Alice asked the social worker, "why was I taken away from my mother who drinks and parties, and you put me here with another woman who does the same?"
Of course, the foster mother got indignant and accused the girl of lying! She had become such a practiced smooth talker that she had the social worker convinced Alice was indeed lying.
Another time, the same foster mother had a little boy under the age of ten in her care. He had been taken from his mother because she had a drug addiction. This young guy was already tramatized by what his mother did, plus being removed from what he knew as home- only to be placed with someone who yelled at him continuously, telling him, he was no better than his crack head mother. She'd go as far as to tell him, he would never amount to anything and he just might as well end it and kill himself with the same drugs his mother used! The whole time this child was in her care, she screamed at him, constantly belittling him.
She would use the foster children to clean her home and her husband would have them do manual, back breaking work outside. She'd lock the food away so they couldn't eat anything extra other that what she allowed them to eat... peanut butter sandwiches and Ramen Noodles.
When it came time for these children to go to a doctor, she wouldn't take them and let them suffer through whatever had inflicted their well being by locking them in their rooms. She wouldn't buy them clothing...
The last foster daughter she had, didn't even own a winter coat until just recently, and that is because she's of age to leave. This poor girl went without any winter clothing, or new clothing for a period of a few years while she remained in this home. During these years there, when Christmas rolled around, she didn't receive any gifts on Christmas Day, but had to sit and watch this woman and her husband open theirs.
There's so much more this woman did to mentally and verbally abuse these young victims of life. No wonder, the children go bad or kill themselves. The ones who were teenagers in her home, have now ended up on the streets, in trouble with the law or just completely lost on drugs.
This woman is no longer a foster mother however, but the damage has been done worse than what the biological parents ever did to their children.
I do know for a fact, there are very good foster homes out there- people who truly cares about the children, but people like this one particular lady I'm speaking about, only cares for the financial aspect that comes along with being a foster parent. She could care less about these children and has proven this time and time again.
Sometimes, the social workers do need to listen to the children...